waiting...

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And its hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
Ill find some peace tonight

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
Its easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

Dear blogger,

I'm overwhelmed. Before I lose all my thoughts to something else silly yet ulcer inducing...the following posts are of text that hold a strong meaning. Texts which conjure themselves up as illustrations in my mind that i've yet to put down in pencil & ink. I hope to have some time away from my crazy *** life soon to do just that.

mean while..xoxoxo
jess

Today's the night, tonight's the day..

http://blog.urbanoutfitters.com/media/player.html

YOU have GOT to check this out.

My ears have my "soundnapped". Right now, "Burial(benny blanco remix)" by Miike Snow feat. Neon Hitch is on repeat on my ipod. So is, " Tonight's Today" by Jack Penate. DIIVINE i say :P <--If that doesn't get you in the mood for to dance with an ice cold beer in hand, the warm rays of the setting sun on your back, toes in the sand & dancing round a bonfire, WHAT does? *I'm so in need of a long weekend away*

xoxo,
your designer walking down the road of a burnout

goodbye...

Leaving isn't quite the same, he said to me,
As running away
If you're scared or tired of what you're scared of
Well, why should you stay?

He loved to say goodbye,
And always counted out the time
Until he was free

To get up and leave
To learn how to breathe
Again

Slipping out to have a cigarette with someone else that he'd never met
Asks her if, by the way, would she like to run away
and try to forget?

Or just not to stay, to leave without saying why

To get up and go
To catch the last train
To get in some car
And drive out again
To never come back this way....
And have to say....

Goodbye...

My talkshow on mute

Take a bow
Pack on powder
Wash 'em out with buzzing lights
Pay an audience to care
"Impress me" Personality

Still & transfixed
The electric sheep are dreaming of your face
Enjoy you from the chemical
Comfort of America

Come one, Come all
Into nineteen eighty-four
Yeah three, two, one...
Lights, camera , transaction

Quick your time is almost up
Make all forget that they're the moth
Edging in towards the flame
Burning to Obscurity

Still & transfixed
The electrics sheep are dreaming of your face
We judge you from the card castle
Comfort of America

Come one, Come all
Into nineteen eighty-four
Yeah three, two, one...
Lights, camera...
Yeah.
Come one, Come all
Into nineteen eighty-four
Yeah three, two, one...
Lights, camera, transaction

Lights, Camera, transaction...

Your foundation is canyoning
Fault lines should be worn with pride
I hate to say it (but)
You're so much more
You're so much more
endearing with the sound
turned off.

simply said...

Simply said, simply done

Only chasing things with cost to run

Those wings above, always waiting to be...

just enough.

And I can't even say everybody thinks this way

But they do, yes they do...

Somebody, somebody else..

Somebody, somebody else...please?

gentlemen who only aim to please

When you got things they want

They don't care what you need...

Ladies with such defense spark 

skies a live in strokes of art.

I can't even say everybody thinks this way

But they do, yes they do...

Somebody, somebody else please?

Somebody, somebody else

Somebody, somebody else please?

Simply said, simply done

only chasing things with cost to run

those stars above, always waiting to be...

just enough.

And I can't say everybody thinks this way

But they do...

Yes they do...

Thoughts of this Designer

I’m out on my own again
Face down in the porcelain
Feeling so high but looking so low
Party favors on the floor
Group of girls banging on the door
So many new fair-weather friends

Have you ever been so lost
Known the way and still so lost

Caught in the eye of a hurricane
Slowly waving goodbye like a pageant parade
So sick of this town pulling me down
My mother says I should come back home but
Can’t find the way cause the way is gone
So if I pray am I just sending words into outer space

Have you ever been so lost
Known the way and still so lost
Another night waiting for someone to take me home
Have you ever been so lost

Is there a light
At the end of the road
I’m pushing everyone away
‘Cause I can’t feel this anymore

Have you ever been so lost
Known the way and still so lost
Another night waiting for someone to take me home
Have you ever been so LOST.

"Thing is...there's alot on my mind that peppers my work. If there's a tune for it, this might be it." I'm considering turning this into an illustration/ print. Interested art collectors & lovers of my work LOL AHEM..keep your eyes peeled! 

peace out *pulls trigger*

Life...It's just a thought, only a thought...

I haven't ever really found a place that I call home

I never stick around quite long enough to make it

I apologize that once again I'm not in love

But it's not as if I mind that your heart ain't exactly breaking

It's just a thought, only a thought...

I've always thought that I would love to live by the sea

To travel the world alone and live more simply

I have no idea what's happened to that dream

Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me

It's just a thought, only a thought...

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down

While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try

Well how can I say I'm alive

It's just a thought, only a thought...

a cup of tea & a ramble ( no, it's not a tea time pastry)

"Imagination's playing round for free
In my world I take him out for tea
Oh my God, can't say no

Skipping school, go walk for air
I just had to get out of bed
I'm on overload in my head

Train comes I don't know its destination
It's a one-way ticket to a madman's situation"

So during tea with my imagination, we get into a deep topic of conversation...

LIFE is what you make of it...( so I've been reminded by someone wiser than I :)) What comes to mind when you think of the local Singaporean kid? OK, here's how my train of thought looks like in my mind--->>----->

SG kid--> government school--> studying + spectacles--> exams + tests--> SQUARE--> "Ma & Pa says " study hard...all the way until cannot study anymore. Be a doctor, get the 5 Cs (very important)" --> *SCREEECH* >

Tell me I'm wrong about this but I've come to observe that a lot of kids don't know really, what exactly it is that they are interested in & will want to do FOR LIFE so they end up spending their parents cash on all the diplomas, degrees in the world just so they have a long list of alphabets before/after their name. So they've got this safety net because they can't think of what they want ( WHY? because they've never been allowed that chance to try & venture out...wonder about all the "What ifs". I'm really lucky I've been brought up to question "why this, why that, what if I...", but as much as my parents encourage all that... They made sure I knew I had to bear the consequences ( if at all there were any).

What I want to do & where I should go has been pretty clear the minute I discovered the lines I drew looked really good compared to the boy/girl sitting next to me in primary school *AHEM* & right here today as I'm writing this post, I've in hand 3 years of fine tuning my art + design skills in graphic/advertising design & it's not that I'm bored with what I'm doing..if anything else, my love & beliefs in graphic/advertising design have grown by leaps n bounds (picture me singing " THE HILLS ARE ALIVE~ with the sound of...my mouse clicking). HOW & WHY am I thinking about all this now u might ask? It's because I'm at this point in my life where I'm questioning who I am (again) & I just need the time right now to find myself ( WAIT wait..hold up..how did this start?) I'm nursing 2 bad injuries & it's not been easy keeping at the pace I've been working at, keeping up all my work to meet the deadlines. Frankly, my work's piling up & I have no choice still but to rest in between all the chaos then I started thinking...( taking into consideration A LOT of other issues):

1) Who's Jessica?
2) Do I still want what I wanted 3 years ago?
3) What am I capable of?
4) Am I where I want to be?
5) Is there something missing in my life right now? & what is/are they?
6) u know...& more questions like that :P ( I'm not gonna tell u all of em =x)---> GET UR OWN GOSSIP! :P

I'm no big daredevil or one for taking blind risks ( & i think most people aren't) but I calculate the risks involved & am always weighing the pros + cons for everything (I'm a darn weighing scale/balance for god's sake!). If there is one thing though, is that I DARE...take off my shoes & walk barefooted down orchard road...LOL im jk ;) So I've decided I NEED TO DO THIS..to find myself & get those questions answered. Look, stepping on the brakes while on the road to gaining a step to securing financial stability for myself can wait..I'm young, I've got my whole life ahead of me to finish where i left off..I'm not gonna be one of the spoon fed kids that have no minds/opinions or legs of their own to stand on ( never was, never will be & I'm NEVER gonna let my kids turn out that way *amen*)

**we pause to interrupt you with this fairly entertaining question** TRUE OR FALSE?---> " I don't think creative minds were ever spoon fed kids." *pause..take a moment to wonder about it* :P (GOOD..see you're starting to think like me..*COUGH!*)



"more tea sir?"

"no thank you. I had fun."

"Pleasure was all mine. Let's do this again. ;)"

StarzZZzz in my eyes, your eyes, their eyes??

they'll be making sure you stay amused
they'll fill you up with drugs and booze
Maybe you'll make the evening news

And when you're tripping over your dreams
They'll keep you down by any means
and by the end of the night you'll be stifling your screams

Since you became a VIPerson
It's like your problems have all worsened
Your paranoia casts aspersions
On the truths you know

And they'll just put you in the spotlight
And hope that you'll do alright
Or maybe not

Now Why do you wanna go put starz in their eyes?
Why you wanna go put starz in their eyes?
so why you wanna go put starz in their eyes?
now why you wanna go put starz in there eyes
starz in their eyes?


Remember they said you'd show them all
Emphasise the rise but not the fall
And now you're playing a shopping mall

Your mum and dad they can't believe
What you appear to have achieved
While the rest of these users are just laughing in their sleeves

Since you became a VIPerson
It's like your problems have all worsened
Your paranoia casts aspersions
On the truths you know

And now the tabloids use your face
To document your fall from grace
And then they'll tell you that that's just the way it goes
That's just the way it goes

Now why do you wanna go and put starz in their eyes?
It's the same old story well they just didn't realise
And it's a long way to come from the dog and duck karaoke machine
And Saturday night's drunken dreams

Now why do you wanna go and put starz in their eyes?
It's the same old story but they just didn't realise
And it's a long way to come from your private bedroom dance routines
And Saturday night's drunken dreams
.....
(When I grow up im going to be famous)

Behind the steel barrier and sequence and glitter
Five inch heels still knee deep in the litter
Each of them a bitter bullshitter,
Wrapped up in the cloak of fake glamour, getting lost in the camera
Well footprints are fools gold, diamonds crusts on their one off plimsolls
So little time for these one off arseholes
Rigour mortis Ken and Barbie dolls,
A pair of big shades and a push up bra,
It's such a short gap between the gutter and stars,
That you've come a long way from the place that you started
So why'd you wanna go and get so down hearted

Welcome to the kingdom of the blagger
Uncutting you nose clean, coating you bladder
A whole lot happier a whole lot sadder,
Used to be satisfied but now you feel like Mick Jagger...

Now why do you wanna go and put starz in their eyes?
It's the same old story well they just didn't realise
And it's a long way to come from the dog and duck karaoke machine
And Saturday night's drunken dreams

Now why do you wanna go and put starz in their eyes?
It's the same old story well they just didn't realise
And it's a long way to come from your private bedroom dance routines
And Saturday night's drunken dreams

<<---setting fire to the third bar--->>

I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from here to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My finger increases of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science

Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

After I have traveled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

And miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

***random ramble***