HOW TO SNAG A HIPSTER IN 5 EASY STEPS

***credit goes to brilliant INVEN.TORY***

It can happen to you: you’re out, drinking a PBR, minding your own… then you see that dirty and doe-eyed darling across the room, judging the party-thrower’s record collection. And you. Want. Them. Bad. Read on! To turn that lust in your heart into action in your pants.

STEP 1: Picking Your Prey.

If you’re into dudes, check for flannel, traditional wool ponchos from South America, and bike chains worn like a beauty pageant sash. That guy’s sensitive, and he lives close enough to bike.

Dig the ladies? Look for a bit of vanity among the Snoopy sweaters and grandma pants– a bustier or crop top means the apple of your eye embraces the ugly-is-hot ethos, but still wants to maintain the hot.

STEP 2: Dancing.

Kick Gloria Estefan to the curb. The rhythm can’t get you! Jerk your head like you’re getting whiplash, over and over. Stomp one bent foot, and let your middle try and figure out the rest. If your parter mirrors your moves, congratulations: you’re doing the hipster mating dance.

STEP 3: Let’s-Get-A-Drink-Conversation.

Order the worst whiskey. Then talk about your “passion,” like group sound massage, or found art sculpture. Ask if they’ve ever seen Bertrando: Story of An Algae Born Whistler. This film does not exist. If they say they’ve seen it, they want to bone you. If they say no, shame them. Shame = hipster pheromones.

STEP 4: Neuroses.

Share one. For example: “Sometimes I am so porous I feel all of the emotions of the room at once.” “I am incredibly rich, but will never do anything about it except feel guilty and wear dirty clothes.” “Sex makes me cry, because I hate intimacy, yet all I want is love.”

They’ll tell you one of theirs. Nice bonding!

STEP 5: Going home.

At this point, you should be primed for the kill. Here is your weapon: “Parties just make me feel so empty; it was amazing to have a real conversation with you. I think we’re heading out in the same direction– would you mind stopping at my place quickly? I’d really love to lend you, “How to Keep Your Dog A Liberal Vegan In A Conservative, Carnivorous World.”

Get ready for a night of almost-dextrous, totally self-conscious lovemaking!

P.S. Feel like you want some hipster camo before you go on the prowl? Throw on the Matty Top, to look fly and well-flanneled while stalking your desired.

P.P.S I couldn't not post this...so entertaining :P

Hungry For Shoes by Collectmythoughts

Dear all,

gosh it's been such a long while since my last post. What a let down huh :/ Life's been hectic! I hope I haven't lost any support... I've got a new tee design up for a Threadless competition in collaboration with Tom's Shoes: " Threadless loves: One day without shoes" competition. I've been carrying around a sketch of this design between the pages of my "moleskin and i finally got it digitized! hooray!

Vote for me pleeeeeeeeaaaase :P ( I hope the design's accepted and is finally open for voting. If it is, go to this link below and score my design!)

http://threadless.com/sharedesign/256898/Hungry_For_Shoes

Thanks in advance! :)

It once was...love

Dear who's who,

finding inspiration is easy...just as long as you don't shut yourself off from being open to anything. What inspires me right now is the human ability to feel. Great fashion comes from touch, from an emotion. What sets a luxury designer item a part from the rest? Namely the material used isn't it?

I've explored a lot of the human emotion. I think the past year to date has given me the chance of experiencing just about every emotion we're capable of feeling ( some more than others HAH *sticks tongue out to you know who you are..* guilty buggers). The strongest emotion I've experienced is love. Never have I felt something quite like it and love...it makes you do the things you've never thought "is so you", you know what I mean?

My introduction to love:

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away

But it's too late..

Over you
I'm never over
Over you
Something about you
It's just the way you move
The way you move me

Yeah, I'm so good at forgetting
and I quit every game I've played
But forgive me love
I can't turn and walk away...this way.

Back to you

It always comes around
back to you
I walk with your shadow
I'm sleeping in my bed
With your silhouette...

should have smiled in that picture
if it's the last that I'll see of you
it's the least that you could not do ...

For all those who are/were lucky enough to experience love of the sweetest most loving kind...this one's for you..(whoever said you could only pay tribute to love on valentines *wink*)

http://www.chriscraymer.com/romance/index.htm

I know those pictures. I have my own duplicate of just about every one locked in my head.. (yes I've a secret :P If you're nice, i'll let you in on it.. *I see all of you hitting the subscribe button right now "oh yeah~"*) haha. :P

Lotsa "LOVE" *surprise*,
Jess xoxo

p/s: Keep your eyes on me, let your heart be open to feel, leave your hands open for someone to slip their hand in & smile.. You know that's how love starts.(okay not the eyes on me part but you know ;))

This one's dedicated to someone special. xxxo

Portrait of A Dancer

Dear all,

after being so caught up for a pretty long while. I finally got in touch with a pencil again *haha* It's a pencil sketch. Done in 2 hours last night. I hope you like it.

And! I've an announcement to make: I'm going to be starting a series of illustrations looking at human emotions , behaviour and what makes people tick. So I'd appreciate audience participation/contribution. Email me or leave a comment and tell me what emotion you think I should depict in my illustrations. If your emotion stands out, i'll send you a pair of plimsolls illustrating your emotion and branded by yours truly...*love love*

Cheers!
xoxoxo

Interior Monologues

From somewhere in my mind came 6 questions.

Introduce yourself:
Hi, i'm jessica. 21 and with her whole life ahead of her on a cracked porcelain plate.

Describe a perfect day:
Floating in an infinity pool that opens up to the view of the ocean while I hold his hand just under the water's surface, staring up at the clear blue sky.

I condition myself for creativity by:
Dancing around my room in nothing more than my undies while I sip on strong Teh tarik

I wake up to do creative things because:
It's my daily multivitamin

My greatest fear...
Being in the water with a shark, losing someone I love and my eyesight

Heartfelt words for future you
If you knew back then what you know now...what will be different?

Strike a pose

http://www.commontotes.com/users/308/entries/132

Hi all! I've just uploaded a tote design upon suggestion. Vote for me! Or just comment here if u don't wanna -_- LOL & lemme now what you think.

Cheers!

From a place I've kept buried

Things happen to you all the time. Sometimes what you try running so far from comes right after you faster than you know it & wham! It hits you. When you have one too many hits, it starts wearing you down. I always thought " well as long as the other person's gonna be as willing as I am to work things out, there will be a solution & I'll find it. For sure things will work out" <--That's young naive youthful optimism right there.

But today I realized...even though I may be willing to work through a problem, not everyone is as willing. They may say so but never follow through & I have just had it up to *here* with empty bubbles of hope I carry around ever so quietly cuz I'm afraid of someone finding out I had hoped for something. Why? I don't really know.

Nothing is ever quite as it you picture it to be. Hardly ever... & I know this first hand.

Somewhere in the middle of today, I realized a lot of human activities were made for 2. It truly does take 2 to clap. Everything works as a chain reaction from something else. I'm not perfect, no where near it & I'm not afraid to take ownership for being such a huge twit.

I think I owe someone an apology for some of the things I've said...( no this isn't my public declaration speech of "wrong doings" lol. But it's me biting my tongue in front of the whole world) This is for you & you know who you are...

"Each confession I make
Translates to you as an insult
We must rid ourselves of this habit.
I once heard you say you'll never love anyone more.
Then why am I still fighting you?
And it's never felt like this before
No we've never fought like this before...
But you should know

That I am on your side
I am on your side.
Although it may seem useless
I am on your side.

Your hands are bearing, worn down to the bone.
But you're still holding on me.
So I tighten my grip.
By god, I won't let you slip.
But can you breathe this way?
And it's never felt like this before.
No, we've never fought like this before...

And I am on your side.
I am on your side.
Although it may seem useless
I am on your side"

I'm still on your side. I'm really sorry.

wearable art?

I'm all for wearable art. This looks fun to use..but maybe...if the Mexicans thought about function before form, they'd realize once that marker hits the mask, the mask is contaminated. I wonder why the flu's moving rather rapid there...

:P

waiting...

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And its hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
Ill find some peace tonight

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
Its easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

Dear blogger,

I'm overwhelmed. Before I lose all my thoughts to something else silly yet ulcer inducing...the following posts are of text that hold a strong meaning. Texts which conjure themselves up as illustrations in my mind that i've yet to put down in pencil & ink. I hope to have some time away from my crazy *** life soon to do just that.

mean while..xoxoxo
jess

I fell down today, I sat there thinking. I got up & started drawing..

Somethings have happened
I sit back & take it in.
It set my mind whirling...
You can have everything today
You're on top of the world.

You took that step further
A step I could never take with you.
I'm standing there
A piece of me begins to tear
You fade into the distance
And I walk away
Tempted to look back.

It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking
It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tear's me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't wanna feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh the truth hurts
And the lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late

The truth hurts
And the lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again...

Today's the night, tonight's the day..

http://blog.urbanoutfitters.com/media/player.html

YOU have GOT to check this out.

My ears have my "soundnapped". Right now, "Burial(benny blanco remix)" by Miike Snow feat. Neon Hitch is on repeat on my ipod. So is, " Tonight's Today" by Jack Penate. DIIVINE i say :P <--If that doesn't get you in the mood for to dance with an ice cold beer in hand, the warm rays of the setting sun on your back, toes in the sand & dancing round a bonfire, WHAT does? *I'm so in need of a long weekend away*

xoxo,
your designer walking down the road of a burnout

I took a break from work to well...create "more work"

As the title says so... I broke out this baby & my sales pitch? Well, read on.

Mom & Pop
They will @#$! you up
For Sure
Love so deep
Kills you in your sleep. It's true.

Love keeps us together
Love will keep us alive

And we- are criminals that never
broke no laws
And all- we needed was a net
to break our fall

They're searching for diamonds
They're grabbin' at straws
Sex 'n' sin
Sax 'n' violins
It's heaven
Wooden heads
Furniture with legs
For sale-

Love keeps us together.
And love will drive us insane.


AH..yes well, "touche" i say.
xOxO, Peace out..

you bright young thing, this is your talk show on mute

Dear blogger,

tonight seems a good night to blog. Not that I usually publicly air my thoughts...no. I don't air my dirty leather ( my new "it" material lol). LIFE, geez, it's such a wide topic to ramble on about. My life alone is one heck of a story...I think the producer(s) of "The Ring" would call me up to buy my life story over & name it " The Life". It'll be a blockbuster horror film of the year. It'll start out with an interview *camera's rolling*..."The late night show with David Letterman" (b'cause that's when all my thoughts usually start pouring in like I'm god listening to a light year full of #$%!)

letterman: hi, it's so nice to have you on tonight's show..I understand you're strapped for time so
let's get right down to business.

bright young thing: Right. Fire away.

Letterman: So I understand your life's taken a rather drastic turn from where you had it heading. What's the deal? What happened?

BYT: Umm yeah...Shit happens, that's life eh? People whom I thought had my back fled like I started a plague. So I'm standing alone in this pile of #$%! & not a soul is brave enough to take a leap & grab my hand while I'm hanging off the cliff. There are 2 ways out-> A) I take their hand but at the price of me surrendering my latest pair of Cheap Mondays & YSL high tops which mean the world to me. I mean in essence, they'll be stripping me down to what?! I won't be me anymore. B) #$%! 'em all right...& just break all the nails i've got clinging on to the rockwall. Rock climb my way back up which probably means i'll get there tomorrow night, rip rip my Cheap Mondays. I won't know if i'll survive it b'cause it'll take pretty long...I'll be dead tired & there's a
high chance I could quit on myself & let go. So I chose B.

Letterman: No shit. Do you regret your route you chose now though?

BYT: Yes & no. I've got to a certain extent my freedom. But I've fallen far from my destination. Will I ever get back on course & reach there? I've no idea & I can only hope & swear on my life, I'll make it work.

Letterman: Word.

BYT: *smiles & leans back into the seat*

Letterman: So you've done a couple of great things since though. Don't you think your making some progress with your work/life..what have yous?

BYT: Well yeah fo sho?! I exhibited in NY. Just being invited was like a bright ray of light finally hit my eye b'cause I've been staring at this sun for so long. But I'm still a really long way off from where I wanna be, u know? And I'm going at it all on my own. Where I come from...what I'm doing is looked at as being in a dream...

Letterman: I know. Square pieces of #$%! I totally get you. I wanted to be a rockstar but old
with grey sideburns couldn't cut it.

BYT: haha yes well I'd still date you. You're one funny #$$ & since you get me, our convos ain't gonna be dull.

Letterman: Well check with my wife. Maybe she'll share?

BYT: Nah, it's cool.

Letterman: In a previous interview for Nylon where you fronted the cover (Kudos), I read about what you want from life . Are they all the same still? What's changed & why?

BYT: Yes, it's changed. I don't wanna be a rich #$%! (not that being richer is bad but..) I'll be really satisfied with my life if I'm able to live a decent life doing what I do best. I'd like really to be living on an island with a yacht that takes me out to a quaint lil city. Know of any?

Letterman: Nope. If I do, I'll call ya.

BYT: Cool.

Letterman: If you could describe your life in a sentence...What would it be?

BYT: "Maybe this has all been some really weird dream while I'm passed out in an alley in Amsterdam, still high."

Letterman: High? from being over visually stimulated? I read it in a previous interview that you
get your high from being visually stimulated.

BYT: Hell yeah, hahaha. From being high from visual over stimulation & not being able to express it all. This world I live in is too square. They don't have the chops to take what I'm about to dish out.

Letterman: No shit. I wanted to suntan on my lawn wearing nothing but a silver g-string. My neighbour from across yelled "god letterman, if your chops were nice to look at, I wouldn't mind all that much. Do me a favour & save my eyesight!"

BYT: no kidd.

Letterman: Well, that's all we've time for tonight. I look forward to seeing your work out some day. Watch out, this one's hot.


She takes off her YSL high tops, signs em & hands em to letterman. With everyday that passes, with every talk show that's on mute in my head...a part of me dies.

til the next ramble,
xoxo

goodbye...

Leaving isn't quite the same, he said to me,
As running away
If you're scared or tired of what you're scared of
Well, why should you stay?

He loved to say goodbye,
And always counted out the time
Until he was free

To get up and leave
To learn how to breathe
Again

Slipping out to have a cigarette with someone else that he'd never met
Asks her if, by the way, would she like to run away
and try to forget?

Or just not to stay, to leave without saying why

To get up and go
To catch the last train
To get in some car
And drive out again
To never come back this way....
And have to say....

Goodbye...

When you're an ocean & a rock away...

What you at? My gentle spoken friend
I lack a frame to put you in
When you're an ocean and a rock away

I feel you in the pocket of my overcoat
My fingers wrap around your words
They take the shape of games we play

I feed your words through my buttonholes
Pin them to my fingerless gloves
Green & prone to fraying

Thoughts of you warm my bones
I'm on my way, I'm on the phone
Let's get lost, you & me
An ocean & a rock is nothing to me.

I am far away from where you lay
Awake the day while you fall to sleep
An ocean & a rock away.

I keep you in the pocket of my jeans
And the bristles of my brushes
Spin you into my curls today

I spoon you into my coffee cup
Spin you through a delicate wash
I wear you all day

Thoughts of you warm my bones
I'm on my way, I'm on the phone
Let's get lost, you & me
An ocean & a rock is nothing to me

Thoughts of you warm my bones
I'm on my way, I'm nearly home
Let's get lost, you & me
An ocean & a rock is nothing to me


Is it not any wonder that when you're far away, they want you near. And when you're there...right under their noses, they don't bother where you are, how you are where you are. Only for you to leave suddenly and they come chasing " wait wait. But we've not shared our time together. wait, not so soon."

My talkshow on mute

Take a bow
Pack on powder
Wash 'em out with buzzing lights
Pay an audience to care
"Impress me" Personality

Still & transfixed
The electric sheep are dreaming of your face
Enjoy you from the chemical
Comfort of America

Come one, Come all
Into nineteen eighty-four
Yeah three, two, one...
Lights, camera , transaction

Quick your time is almost up
Make all forget that they're the moth
Edging in towards the flame
Burning to Obscurity

Still & transfixed
The electrics sheep are dreaming of your face
We judge you from the card castle
Comfort of America

Come one, Come all
Into nineteen eighty-four
Yeah three, two, one...
Lights, camera...
Yeah.
Come one, Come all
Into nineteen eighty-four
Yeah three, two, one...
Lights, camera, transaction

Lights, Camera, transaction...

Your foundation is canyoning
Fault lines should be worn with pride
I hate to say it (but)
You're so much more
You're so much more
endearing with the sound
turned off.

kickin' it a lil old school

Here's a pair of my own Nike Court Forces. I did up the laces as you can see.. kinda old school but I like it. I did a black & white illustration on a panel in the front of the shoe.

Love Love.

I'm in love

"Come what sorrow can. It cannot countervail the exchange of joy. That one short minute gives me in his sight."

"Whoever loved that loved not at first sight?"

"The sight of lovers feedeth those in love"


A Vuitton X Kanye West exclusive. I'm so in love.

Oh, Where were you?

I was a backing track.
Saving my green voice's back.
Disguising the obvious,
That I had no-one to sing for.
I lived in a paper bin.
Which I lived curled up and forgotten in.
With an unfinished lovers hymn
Tattooed on my forehead.

Oh, oh, oh, where were you?
Had I known you then,
The outcome would have been better.

I got used to the treadmill love
Where no matter how fast you run,
You're stuck at the starting point,
Only exhausted.
I was the anonymous author
Of songs I'd not dared to share.
Lacking the audience of a lover's ear.

Oh, oh, oh,
Oh, oh, oh, where were you?
Had I know you then,
The outcome would have been better.

You could have prevented this.
You could have prevented this.
You could have prevented this.
You could have prevented this.

You could have prevented this.
You could have prevented this.
You could have prevented this.
You could have prevented -

Oh, oh, oh, where were you?
Had you known me then,
The outcome would have been better.

xoxo

They're off to NY!

They're finally up! XD The top most canvas is a lotus. This piece kinda pokes fun at materialism. For those who don't know ( which I realize could be quite a few people LOL) what meanings the Lotus flower carries, it symbolizes coming out of a bad patch of anything in general & it also to some, holds the meaning of reaching a level of awareness...moving away from a material life & on to something better( put in my own words lol). Anyhow, google it? :P So this piece for me is about a wanting to be free of a material world. In my opinion, life's just easier that way. Unfortunately though...it'll take a good while before mankind lets go of money & selfish wants...

Moving on...the canvas below that is called my " Blue peony". It's my personal favourite & I had the most fun doing the detailed work. This is my interpretation of the flower in my mind but visualized on paper, then canvas. The black background's got tinges of like a midnight blue undertone. There's no complicated reasoning to this flower. It's straight forward...I like the peony flower. I think it's beautiful..an asian beauty with my spin on it :)

These illustrations are up for exhibiting in NY at the moment for the end of the month. But they're also on sale. Interested parties can email me for my price quotes ;) or for a special request like a series of flowers done like the Blue Peony. They make good house warming gifts *ahem* For buyers interested in having this print on other media such as a tee/ tote bag. Email me again :) Thanks for viewing!

Laters xoxo